A plate full of Plato. (warning, written after subject was exposed to hours of zapping)

The more I am working as a freelancer in the lucrative world of producing advertisements the less I feel like being a filmmaker. And yet I prefer making a living on a shoot for some famous or less famous brand than getting a regular job and really make some steady money. Because at least it still feels like I'm close to the movies. Close to what it was all about. I wonder if maybe it wouldn't be better to steer away and do something entirely different just to stimulate the need to be making a film again.A real film, not a product. I want to get out of the cave, away from the play of shadows on the walls, and look into the sun again. Next time someone screams "ACTION" and the cameras are rolling I want to feel a heartbeat, a pulse, any sign that there is life in what we are doing. Even better, I want to be the one that whispers "action", and may life be screaming upon me, I will not back down, I will not yield, only the essential matters. I will be standing there, burning my eyes staring into the sun and remembering. Not what it can be all about but what it is about. What it is. What is. Essence.